*Trigger Warning: This review contains strong themes, to include rape.*Before I begin what will likely become a very long rant/public service announcement, let me first say a few words. I have nothing against E.L. James. Nothing. She’s said that this series is a fantasy she managed to put on paper and that she never expected it to gain such momentum. Good for her for perusing her dream of writing. If this book also fulfills one of your fantasies, or if you just plain enjoyed it, good for you t [...]

You know, I was beginning to wonder if I needed to change some of my two star books to one star. I was thinking that I might not ever personally read a book worthy of one star, and I was messing up my scale by giving some of the more lame books I've read lately two stars instead of one.Thank you E.L. James, for proving to me there was something worth waiting for. Something that truly exemplifies the meaning of terrible.Now hold up, all you would-be defenders. I read this whole thing. I did not s [...]

What in the hell just happened? Did I really read that? Oh, my god, I did. I did read that. Meet Anastasia Steele:Ana is just a giant mess of a human being. She's insecure to the point of it being laughable, 'klutzy' (even though she only trips twice in the entire book), and a complete ditz. She's a virgin (of course) who's never taken any sexual interest in anyone before. Right. I'm fairly certain there hasn't been a woman this naive since 'round about 1954. At one point, she thinks putting her [...]

Introducing an even more abusive and disturbing TWILIGHT! Now with whips and chains!Fifty Shades of ShitHaters, please exit stage left.I'm not sure what possessed me to pick up Fifty Shades of Grey. I thought I might genuinely like it before I started, but all I was left with was one hell of a mindfuck. Whatever it was that brought on this knee jerk purchase seems to have mercifully left me with enough common sense to say I will not be continuing on with this series.Recently I discovered one of [...]

In the words of Miss Steele, "You need to sort your shit out, Grey!" Good day, sir!Fifty Shades of Grey, more like Fifty shades of fucked up nonsense *rolls eyes* I should get a medal for just finishing this tripe. I honestly do NOT feel like revisiting this book and writing a review. I’d rather spend the time searching for ways to remove this utter nonsense from my memory. However, this book is so bad that I feel the need to warn others from this drivel. Luckily, I did not buy this garbage. I [...]

Garbage. Absolutely horrifying, utter trash. A waste of trees, bookshelf space and precious, oh so very fucking precious braincells. Honestly, why is this even published? Every single book store in Sydney is promoting this tripe, claiming it to be some kind of awesome romance novel. Are you absolutely shitting me? There is nothing romantic at all about this 'book'. And I don't mean the BDSM erotica themes, I mean the fifty levels of abuse in this friggin' thing. In fact, that's what this book sh [...]

Head's up: If any of you fuckers comment at the bottom of this review and say, "You don't understand BDSM" I will hunt you down and make you eat your computer, plus the mouse, plus the keyboard, plus any other internet-connected devices in your home, including but not limited to iPhones, iPods, iPads, Androids, games consoles and ereaders. This book is not an accurate or healthy portrayal of a real BDSM relationship between two consensual and enthusiastic parties. Thus, by defending it as such, [...]

0 stars. DNF @55%. Review edited February 12, 2015“Sex is more than an act of pleasure, it's the ability to be able to feel so close to a person, so connected, so comfortable that it's almost breathtaking to the point you feel you can’t take it. And at this moment you're a part of them. 
- Author unknown -

I've had a rather long list of issues when I decided to abandon ship. FSoShit is garbage and if I had read a paperback I would have burned the fucking offending thing. It's a total [...]

I didn’t want to start this book. Many people are praising it but I’m simply not into erotica, it’s too cheap for me. But here I am in the mind of the innocent waiting to be devoured by the big bad wolf. Sounds pornographic, doesn’t it? That’s because it is…Christian Grey. A hot dude that melts a woman’s panties off with just one look. The perfect sex toy set out to conquer an innocent girl. Grey (the sick f*ck) is considered one of the hottest characters out there but he doesn’t [...]

Those of you who have had the privilege of reading Fifty Shades of Grey will appreciate the context in which this review was written. For those of you who have not read the book, well, you’ll have to buy a copy to understand the inside joke. CONTRACTDated this day 28th day of October, 2011BETWEENP.A. LUPTON (reader, and fan, Fifty Shades of Grey by E L James)AndALL FANS OF EROTIC, CONTEMPORARY ROMANCEEXPECTATIONSReaders can expect to find within the pages of this book a flawless rendering of t [...]

Really blah, blah. On & on. No purpose, no plot, meandering for meandering's sake. I didn't finish it because, quite frankly, the 'heroine' got on my last fucking nerve. The writing style is atrocious and I can't fathom how or why so many people love this tiny slice of interweb fan fiction garbage.

Rating: negative sixty septillion starsIt's National Book Lovers Day! A day to bask in the amazing power of books to inform, amuse, educate, and alter our views and viewpoints.

I read this book back before E.L. James even wrote it. I don't brag about a lot of things, but my review skills are one of the few things I will brag about.E.L. James read my review on this book and she loved it SO much, she decided to go ahead and write the book. Here is a word-for-word copy of our email exchange from that day. ***E.L. James: Hello, Colleen Hoover! I saw your book review on Fifty Shades of Grey and I loved it so much, I decided I would write the book. I'm already finished writi [...]

Okay… I realized by people's comments that I never said exactly what I thought about this book. Well, I loved it. I've now read it four times. Christian Grey ranks right up there with Travis Maddox in my book boyfriend world. This series is addicting. When I need a good read this is my "go to" series. I didn't know what to think about this because I wasn't sure how I felt about BDSM… but this is sooooo much more than that. One of the BEST love stories I've read to date.

OOOOHHH the movie opens TODAY!! now, i'm not likely to ever see the movie, but i will say it's pretty ballsy to cast the romantic lead - a character who ties up ladies for erotic enjoyment - with the actor that many people only know as the character who ties up ladies for erotic enjoyment and then kills them.************************************now hear me out, people. i liked it, but i didn't like it-like it. the writing is shitty, it is, but i am a sucker for enthusiasm. and you can tell she h [...]

I only bought this on Kindle because I was curious to see whether a professional edit made it any better than the original fanfic (which I abandoned once I realized the plot wasn't original enough for me to suffer through the cut-rate writing). Paging through this "published" version makes me more embarrassed for the author than I was when it was in the fanfic domain, and it DEFINITELY made me lose respect for The Writer's Coffee Shop.Most distracting is the schizophrenic voice of the main chara [...]

I have finally made a decision about Fifty Shades of Grey. I know, I know, my review of this isn't really needed, everybody's talking about this book, everybody's got the general gist of what it's about. But I've spent quite a long time thinking about this novel, the characters, and the relationship portrayed. I've been thinking about all the reasons people hate this so much and love it so much. I need to confess - for those who missed it - that I originally reviewed this first book immediately [...]

Post Script on May 8, 2012This book has exploded since I first read it and it seems to be one that is either loved or hated. I'm actually very thankful that I read it before any of my GR friends or anyone I knew, because I feel like if I read it now, after hearing all the hype, it would probably disappoint.People have very strong reactions to Fifty Shades and just to put in my two cents: you read different books for different reasons. In my opinion!!! : Was this book a great piece of literature? [...]

I feel like there is a deeper meaning behind Fifty Shades of Grey then just BDSM and sex but the huge downfall of this book was the writing. I can see both sides of the fifty shades argument. There are points in the book where I can see abuse but there are also points where there is none. I just hate the fact that if people enjoy this book they are labeled as "pro-rape advocates" or "pro-abuse". STOP IT. Stop trying to belittle others, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. You may not agree [...]

ONE HUNDRED BILLION NEGATIVE STARSWell, I think it’s safe to say that I’m buying myself a chastity belt and am joining a nunnery. This book has put me off sex for ever and ever.I know I said I was never going to touch this with a ten-foot pole, but then this happened:Basically, my co-blogger dared me to read the books after a joke about the author, or I was never allowed to diss the books again.… the joke wasn’t worth it.This piece of shit, this sorry excuse for a book is without a doubt [...]

Bad Book Is Like Other Bad Book ShockAt a standing-room-only press conference earlier today, top researchers from the world famous Center for Bodice-Ripping, Bondage and Twilight Studies revealed that a bad book was quite a lot like another bad book."When I saw the final results of the data analysis, a cold shiver went down my spine," said the Center's director. "The chain of inference is long, and at first we weren't sure all the steps were watertight, but now we're confident enough to go publ [...]

Let me start by saying. Wow! Just Wow!!This book is 5+ stars for me!! It is my favorite kind of story. You know what I meanjust so intense that the characters get so far under your skin that you can't stand to be away from them for any length of time? Well, that was me while reading this book, I couldn't concentrate to get anything done :)There are a lot of reviews on this book, and obviously the majority love it, so I am simply going to explain some of the reasons that this story grabbed hold o [...]

Huh. Let's see how bad this book really is.*reads some quotes from others' statuses*This book is trash and I don't even want to finish the damn thing. The excerpts are enough. I will not be under the influence of this devilry! Not even for the snark! Not even to make fun of it! Not even!And after seeing this:And that has got to be the LEAST disgusting/creepy/nonsensical thing that slime bag has said. THE LEAST! No effing way. I'm only seventeen-going-on-eighteen. I have a future to look forward [...]

2.5 stars.I don't think I've ever read a book that's left me quite as bemused as this one has. The writing left a lot to be desired, the heroine didn't impress me at all and yet I find myself wanting to read the next in the series. After having a day to let this sink in I have to try and put my feelings succinctly into a review. How do I say this exactly Anastasia damn near killed me. There were just too many things about her that turned me off bigtime. I can understand how her vulnerability cou [...]

This is what you're getting from reading this book:C-Christianand A-AnastasiaC-Hi! A-Hey:) C-you virgin? A-Yeah:/ C-Shit:S A-y? C-nothing? A-where? C-playroom?:3 A-lol kay!! C-swag A-yolo

Uh, wow. So this is IT?!! The book that the whole world is in utter fascination with?!! I think someone is laughing their way to the bank.First, here is a mini review of this book in two GIFs:About the plot:About the writing:Got that??OK, now more of my sordid thoughts on this MASTERPIECE (**cough, cough**):So I shamelessly caved and read this book after repeatedly swearing I never would, but the publicity and hype finally won me over. (I also got a free copy of the book, no way was I going to p [...]

I love the Fifty Shades trilogy! I've read this book so many times and each time I enjoy it as much as the last. It's one of those books that doesn't really need a review. Christian Grey will always hold a special place in my heart and on my list of book boyfriends <3

(This is clearly a joke, no offence intended to anyone mentioned. My thanks to Tumblr for all the gifs. If you know nothing about British politics, this may make this a bit difficult.)ORDER! ORDER! 50 Shades of Grey review by the leader of the opposition. Mr Ed Miliband! "Ed Miliband Reviews 50 Shades of Grey (whilst Ceilidh hopes this doesn't result in her party membership being revoked!)"Mr Speaker, thank you for allowing us to have this emergency meeting in the House of Commons to discuss thi [...]

The first time I tried to read Fifty Shades of Grey, I almost threw the book out of the window. I read the first 10 chapters and gave up. I have a really hard time DNFing a book. I'm always curious to find out how things will end, even though I have an inkling about how things will go. I can't claim to have great taste. I was one of those crazy Twilight obsessed teenagers. Yeah. So I said to myself, 'Okay, I'll try give it one more shot.' Time spent reading is never wasted. Maybe I was wrong, ma [...]

This was like reading a jackhammer.This was like if Hannah Montana tried to write an erotica novel.The popularity of this book makes me need to move to a different planet. I am making the assumption that it comes from people not actually liking to read, but liking to have their self-destructive cultural values reinforced. Girls don’t like to eat. If you do whatever he says, he’ll turn into a handsome prince. It’s not his fault he’s abusing you, it’s only because mommy was mean. To have [...]